Okay, kids: I’m sittin’ this one out

It started out looking like a joke.  I even laughed.

Okay, yes, CBS is the reigning king of police procedurals in the States and Sherlock Holmes is perhaps the original, but once you approach the production company in charge of the wildly successful 21st century update of Sir Doyle’s public domain franchise (which has managed to peacefully coexist with the concurrent movie remakes by virtue of the first being based on twisting the original stories around modern technology and society and the latter being based on putting a gritty-action Tony Stark Sherlock Holmes into Alan Moore comics) about remaking their Sherlock reboot and they say ‘nay’…

“We understand that CBS are doing their own version of an updated Sherlock Holmes. It’s interesting, as they approached us a while back about remaking our show. At the time, they made great assurances about their integrity, so we have to assume that their modernised Sherlock Holmes doesn’t resemble ours in any way, as that would be extremely worrying.”- Sue Vertue

You announce that not only are you making a completely different 21st century update of Sherlock Holmes, but you’re casting one of the former Mr. Angelina Jolies and the guy who just alternated nights playing Dr. Victor Frankenstein/the Monster with Benedict Cumberbatch on the West End in the titular role as the guy named Sherlock a former consultant to Scotland Yard whose addiction problems meant he had a spell in rehab in New York, so that you can tip toe between outright theft of both Sherlock AND House, M.D., that other Holmes-modernization starring an English ex-pat? (To be fair, the Mail appears to have been playing a game of “let’s find the least attractive/most Monster-like photo” of both actors, leaving Hugh Laurie as the one I’m currently thinking of as most attractive). 

Oh, and you’re handing pilot writing duties to a guy whose entire career is based on meh-rated sinking-ship sci-fi/high concept shows starring women attempting to overcome their troubled pasts (none of which have hooked me, but which include the second season of Dark Angel the last episode he wrote of anything was the episode of Ringer with Misha Collins in, just to make sure that EVERY Superwholock fandom has some kind of a stake in this), none of which have been known for their particularly witty dialogue or for profoundly clever plotting (the two acknowledged strengths of Mr. Moffat, who has some lousy street cred when it comes to female and non-caucasian casting/issues in general)?

Oh, and now you’re casting Lucy Liu as Joan Watson, “his sober companion and is a former surgeon who has lost her license.” (Why did she, of all the Watsons, have to lose her license?  Oh, and dear Telegraph: Irene Adler has totally rocked it as a female ‘companion’ to Holmes in both of the recent reboots, so let’s go with “first female to be cast as Watson” shall we?  This isn’t Doctor Who.  Stick with the “first POC to appear as anything other than a set-piece in Holmes” and you’ll have the far more relevant angle.)

No, I was all set to snark away at CBS for bald-faced lying and once again creating the blandest stew from the last entrails of picked-over franchises using creative benchwarmers, but now they’ve cried havoc and let slip the dogs of fandom war.  I refuse to deal with the meta-issues this previously-stunt-pilot will invoke if it is picked up (or even, possibly, if it is not).  Elementary, I officially have NO OPINION on you.