Family Facebook Mob
- Aunt B: We loaned him our car to move some stuff to Vermont. Whilst pulling out of the driveway, he smashed into our other car. I love my son Car Wrecker, I do.
- Random person 1: ouch.
- Random person 2: Oh, lord... is this what I have to look forward to?
- Aunt B: Yup, Gigi, that and so much more!! Arrrrrgh
- Random person 3: double ouch!
- Sister of Car Wrecker: I am just so, so glad it wasn't me.
- Aunt S.: Me too, Sister of Car Wrecker!
- Aunt C: Car Wrecker should stick to writing ballads.
- Aunt B: Remember the ballads? Damn, he was cute. (kill kill)
- Random person 4: shifts as punishment.
- Me: Damn, I've forgotten the lyrics to the ballad.
- Aunt C:
- Taggin’ Behind Bars
- It was a warm spring night
- And not much to do
- We decided to go out
- With the whole motley crew
- We gathered supplies
- Put them in a bag
- Paint, gloves, stencil
- And an old dirty rag
- We walked around town
- Looking for a spot
- And soon laid our eyes
- On a stark empty lot
- We thought we’d leave our mark
- By taggin’ it down
- But the Man came along
- And said “not in this town”
- Oh, we did the bad deed
- Packed up all of our stuff
- Started walking away
- And feeling real tough
- And then we were shocked
- By the flash of a gumball
- They pulled alongside us
- And we faced our downfall
- We thought we’d leave our mark
- By taggin’ it down
- But the Man came along
- And said “not in this town”
- Oh yes we were searched
- And everything found
- Thrown into a cop car
- And driven Downtown
- Dragged into the jailhouse,
- Behind bars we were thrown
- The Man surely bested us
- We reaped what we’d sown.
- We thought we’d leave our mark
- By taggin’ it down
- But the Man came along
- And said “not in this town”
- Aunt C: Not in this town. Bears repeating.
- Aunt C: (Sorry Car Wrecker.)
- Me: I love our family. I knew I could count on someone to have them up in less than ten minutes.
- Grandma's Best Friend: do i remember someone having trouble backing up?
- Aunt B: Yes, Grandma's Best Friend. It seems to be genetic. I can't even get mad. But Uncle F can!
- Mom: Bad backing up skills? **Whistles, backs away from the thread, plows into another telephone pole.** It jumped out right in front of me!
- Aunt C: They say that backing up is hard to do.
- Sister of Car Wrecker: This. All of this. So good.
- Aunt B: Luckily, Car Wrecker refuses to be my FB friend. So have at him!
- Me: Wait, Car Wrecker is too much of a coward to deal with the family Facebook mob? Even Little Brother: didn't de-friend us after the legendary Road Island debacle.
- Little Brother: damn near close though
- Me: It takes a man of true grit, and you are chock full of that!
- Aunt B: Say that in charades-speak, punks
- Aunt C: I sense some passive-aggressive belittlement.
- Me: All I gotta say is: don't get into the charades if you can't keep up. Otherwise, crack the music.
- Little Brother: It's all good Car Wrecker, I've gone through 3 mirrors backing outta driveways.
- Me: Yeah, I know: the guys at the detail shop commented on every dent on the G6. I told them I knew who hit the mirror, but couldn't comment on the rest of them, on account of I was charging the detail to her card.
- Little Brother: yeah, well there was that one time i drove into a ditch fumbling my phone, but the lady behind me worked at AAA and got me out. Mom and Dad never found out. but thats why there is plastic missing on the under carriage.
